What we are is Magic

My oldest daughter, who is only 16, left home the day after Christmas on the last New Moon of 2008, fulfilling a long held dream of hers to move to Portland, a city that she instantly fell in love with the first time she visited in 2007. She had told me again and again that she was going to move there, somehow, and within a year she managed to create the amazing set of circumstances to be able to do just that, leaving the comfort of my carefully constructed nest wrapped up in the fire of independent, determined energy, and lots of Mom’s protective love.   That day was a day of transformation, not only in my precious daughter’s life, but in my own, as well.

Her leaving set in motion a chain of intuitive realizations within me that I simply decided to pay attention to, rather than to allow myself to continue to dwell in the  sadness, sorrow and worry that I was feeling. Oh, there was plenty of sorrow and pain released in the first twelve hours or so of the New Moon that whisked my daughter 2000 miles away to begin a new life. I was overcome by a tremendous sense of loss and of grief, but the Moon called out to me, too, chanting it’s intention that I might choose to take it upon myself to realign with my own purpose, get back to source and make true strides in my own development.  I began to harness the power of the emotions that were rushing through me, and I took it upon myself to allow them to come and go as they needed to, without holding onto the past, which was obviously gone. That night, I realized that my daughter had given me an incredible gift by doing what was in her heart to do; she had given me the gift of insight into my own path, once again.

For the last two weeks, since her relocation to her new and apparently incredible apartment,  I have spent time each day actively engaged in my own development. My body is healthier for it. My eyes sparkle again with the fire of a returned sense of purpose. My relationship with my children is more authentic. My life is calm and centered, and opportunities are opening up in front of me like tiny whispers saying ” come this way, it’ll be good for you”  I follow those whispers more and more, and where they are taking me is a road that I had always hoped that I would ultimately be able to traverse without the nagging doubts of the voices of my past haunting me and turning it into a source  of anxiety rather than a means of discovery.

What I’ve realized, again and again throughout the years that I have spent reflecting, gaining understanding and uncovering from within myself, is that this life, all of our lives, no matter what our human condition, what our financial situation, whether diseased or healthy, fat or skinny, hard or effortless, bought or stolen, this life that we live is the perfect teacher, giving us exactly what we need to deal with for our chosen incarnation.

Why did I incarnate into this body? Why did I choose to be this person that I am living as right now? Obviously, the sense of understanding that I have gained over the last 39 years has been significant. The years have brought more and more understanding, as I’ve been truly getting what I needed to receive out of every intense and volatile situation that I have ever experienced. My path may have veered off here and there to learn important lessons in humility and personal responsibility, but it never, not once, completely left the direction in which it was traveling. It always came back around to aligning with source energy, understanding that ego, too, is part of this source, and not something to be shunned or avoided. Ego is here to assist us in feeling this life in all of the ways that we came to feel it. But it is also illusory; because it deflects attention towards itself and away from the truth; that what we are, no matter how bad our ego wants us to believe that it is, what we are is creation; source; god-force. What we are, truly, is magic.