Rebirth

Today marked the first ICA class that I have attended in a while.

My time away has given me rebirth on many levels.

I re-birthed my life and my inner child. I completely transformed my living situation, my relationship situation, and my financial situation. I clarified what I was no longer willing to accept in my life and took action on what I was committed to achieving. I have made such amazing personal strides over the last nine months or so that looking back at where I started from I feel a huge sense of joy and authentic personal power in what I have created.

I am a new woman, living a new life of my own making, no longer living at the mercy of others in their stuck-ness, no longer relying or depending upon others to work hard on my behalf. I have taken responsibility, given myself the freedom of personal space, and the responsibility that maintaining that personal space requires, with overwhelming gratitude.

All of the previous fears that had once kept me stranded and strangled within a web of hurt and sorrow, fear and guilt, were dismissed as ungrounded by my heart. They held no consequence once I started moving in the direction that my soul wanted to go. They fell away, life evolved around and through me and here I am, so different, yet eternally the same.

I have achieved new levels of awareness, and in my absence from my ICA studies, have run the gamut of experiences that ranged from the worst fear, drama, hurt, shock and grief to the absolute clarity of knowing that each experience is my lesson, is my opportunity for growth, created expressly by me for the purpose of propelling me forward endlessly, as a creator, not as a means to an end, for there is no end to the energy of creation.

So, in resuming my studies with a newer, more commanding vision, I will begin posting relevant reflection questions here as I complete my learning modules.

Fittingly, my first class back was that of the Power Tool “Commitment vs. Trying”

Throughout the years, I became an expert at trying, and succeeding at nothing but a feeble attempt. It was not until my actions began to be in alignment with my commitments that change began to occur in monumental ways.

I am growing to more fully understand the effect of my energy output in regards to my commitments. If I say that I am committed but in the back of my mind all I hear and feel are insecurities, doubt and fear, I am truly only committed to perpetuating those feelings of self lack and doubt.  Only when my focus shifts to the powerful creative force that I know myself to be, and the confidence comes flowing from the heart rather than the niggling doubts from the mind, will the force of momentum be generated.

Reflection Questions

● What are three things in your life that you have committed to and achieved?

I committed to changing the parameters of my marriage and freeing myself from the limiting, stifling, negative energy that was surrounding our family. I achieved that by leaving the situation, and now, having been separated for six months, my husband and I have reevaluated our relationship and we are much more open about our feelings, beginning now to come to terms with all that has transpired.

I committed to taking care of my children and myself, financially, on my own. I have achieved that and continue to find ways to grow financially.

I committed to quitting a relapsed habit of mine that I consciously walked back into for a short time, mainly to remind myself of just how destructive that it was, and I also achieved that success.

● What are three things you have been trying to achieve for a long time but haven’t yet?

I have been trying to achieve a personal and social standing as a healer, a spiritual and energetic support for other peoples journeys.

I have been trying to achieve a space where my creativity in writing is released and I can begin, finally, to give voice to all of the experiences that have shaped my life.

I have been trying to achieve a more focused role in my children’s education.

● Why have you been able to achieve the things answered in question one and not in
question two?

The commitment to being a healer has not been met with my unshakable faith and trust that I have something of value to offer others, though I know that I have much to offer. Part of me feels like the saying “Healer heal thyself” is still at work here. Yes, I have come so far, but by other peoples standards, perhaps not far enough.  Energy work is elusive and rather obscure, and easy for many people to dismiss. My faith in my coaching has not yet grown strong enough.

Though there was great fear in separating from my husband and of the drama and craziness that did indeed ensue, it was an eminent occurrence. Our lives simply could not have gone on that way any longer. Too many things were coming to light, too much suffering was happening. Action was inevitable.

With my writing, on the other hand, the fear can hold me back simply because there is no pressing engagement or experience that is commanding me to actually begin the process of letting that freedom flow. I will say that lately I have actually been getting paid to write, though the subject matter is not at all what I am passionate about. It is a start, though. I have created that for myself to get primed for the time when I will WRITE and love what I write.

My children’s education is a source of anxiety, but only because of the expectations put forth by the rest of the world as to what children should know and by when. I do not buy into the idea that children are empty vessels that knowledge must be poured into. I do not accept the notion that children only learn when they are taught by other people or forced to do work. I see Ruby and Zena learning every day, but it is not learning in the context that the schools teach.  So my anxieties in the area are really about what other people think about what my children know, or do not know as the case may be.  My children are happy, beautiful and intelligent. I trust that they learn, and I help them learn. But it often in no way resembles school.

● What structures do you have in place to support you in your commitments?

I have created my home as my sanctuary. I have created financial resources where there were once none. I have garnered the support of key individuals that remind me of my strength and of my power.  I focus my belief on the knowing that not only am I a creator, but I am an awesome and amazing creator who has completely recreated every aspect of my life and my being, not once, but over and over again. I can do anything. Reminding myself of this, each and every day, is key.

● Can you think of any UAC’s you might have which empower you and make your life
better?

I have an innate desire to make everything in my life as spiritual as possible. I look through rose colored glasses. People have often told me that I am unrealistic. I giggle when I hear that, because I am a firm believer that we each create our own reality….There is not only one ultimate stance from which this world can be viewed.

Not only do we create our reality, but we also create experiences that fully support our view of life itself. For example….If we think the world is a terrible place, and violence and war are everywhere, then we ultimately must draw to us evidence of that belief, reflected in tragedies, accidents and upheaval in the form of stories on TV, in print and told by other people of how bad life is, and what a struggle it all is…..but if we choose to see loving interaction rather than struggle and hatred, if we choose to see peace rather than war, then we attract situations that bring peace.

This does not mean that war is not real or that it is not occurring, but we are choosing not to bring it into our lives. I am not a part of war. Though my country may be engaged in it, I am not. Though my loved ones may be engaged in it, I have no part in the violence.  This does not mean that I ignore the people in the world whose lives are filled with struggle or that I discount their experience, for I respect the part that they are choosing to play. We have all come here to learn different lessons, no matter how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ these lessons seem to be.

I know beyond doubt that I have created each and every aspect that I have brought into my life. There is not a single occurrence that I can think of that I can blame on anyone. I bring it all, whether I am conscious of it or not. Looking at life through these eyes gives me the power to refocus my awareness, to consciously raise my vibration and to magically restructure and improve my life in each moment.